Dis be me and my bro, Lewie (he's the pretty one). His birfday is August 4th--this Saturday! (3 days before my birfday!) He deserves some LOVE cuz he's been my main man for the past (almost) 29 years! Cray Cray! We are Irish twins, meaning that my mom and dad liked to fuck! Dey liked to hump so much that mama had me and then 362 days later she popped Lewie out--don't worry both were Caesareanz birfs--check out the HEEDS on those keeds! Yup we have big heeds, big hearts, and really big genitals--no we don't fuck y'all..but his girlfriend is all MOUTH if ya know what I mean!
In honor of Lew Lew's special day I would like to retell the story that I've been requested to recount at least a million times since I first started telling it at Lewie's frathouse in Kansas.
Lewie was 9 years old and I was 10...okay he was only like 3 and I was 4, but it's better to pretend he was older...you'll see. We were finishing up a family picnic at our favorite spot in the park, on top of a hill right underneath a shady willow tree. At the bottom of the hill there was this old fashioned water pump that Lewie and I liked to pump water of. We'd splash each other and scream like little sissies! Well I was pumping and having fun, and all of the sudden Lewie got this pained look on his face....I said, "Lewie! What's WRONGWITCHOO?" His face reddened and his frown went agape as tears spat out of his eyes, "I pooped my paaaants." Well, this was an EMERGENCY! I ran up the hill as fast as my chubby little legs could take me, I belted to my parents and granparents, "LEWIE POOPED HIS PANTS!!!!" Now my grandmother was a no-nonsense-tell- it- like it is-how it should-and how its gonna be- woman straight from the hills of West Virginia. Upon hearing my proclamation, she shot my mother a look that said, "Kim, I can't BELIEVE this child is still pooping his pants!" Grandma was disgusted, and I guess my, usually very sweet and patient, mother was too.
We loaded up the cars as Lewie continued to whimper. Now, the memory of the car ride back to the trailer (you better believe we lived in one) is foggy...all I know is that we were all in the car that PoopeyPants was NOT in--cuz it STUNK, the only one who could deal with THAT was his own mother.
Poopey and Mommy arrived home first, and I could hear crying coming from the bathroom as I ambled down the hall to do what I do best--stick my nose in where it don't belong. I pushed the door in, and was horrified. There stood my brother, his face filthy with feces. My mother knelt before him and squawked, "Do you like the way that SMELLS?"
"Nooo," Lewie cried. "WELL I DON'T EITHER! QUIT POOPING YOUR PANTS!!!"
Poopey tears forever!
Happy Birfday Little Lgers!
1 comments:
Are you KIDDING? YOUR MOM PUT SHIT ON HIS FACE? Damn, gurl, I thought my mama crazy!
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