because I deserve the best in life.....

and SOME muthafuckas ain't realized this YET
AND CUZ
i can't quite afford a real Louis Vuitton, and my purse stealin days have been released
AND CUZ i have an entitlement issue larger than my ASS--and that's pretty BIG
AND CUZ if other peeps have more than I do--i ain'ts evolved enuff yets to be HAPPY FOR DEMS---

I like to make myself feel like a high class ho by getting away wit the followins PRIVILEDGES:

• I like to take shits in the big bafroom--you KNOW da mansion?? (bullits is ritzy fritzy!)

okay some people call it da handicapped bafroom, but really now--how many Christopher Reeve muthafuckas you see in yo' workplace?? I would gladly step aside if I DID see one--as I am a very compassionate ho. But I just have to say, when the clock strikes poop, I STRUT my ass ALL the way down to the last stall--pretendin its a catwalk the whole way down there--with each sway of my hips I say to my self "u worf it, gurl! u worf it gurl!!!" AND its a taller toilet, so you ain't got to do a full squat to get down on it. It is MY time...LUXURY!

• and fo' a real HUNGRY LADY SPERIENCE there's always SEAFOODIN

Seafoodins is when you out on a date with some broke ass muthafuck that you know you don't even LIKE, but you was bored and hongry so you said yes (you might fuck him later--that's when you REALLY BORED, or D-runk) anyways you hongry and that cheap bitch took you to Denny's for a dolla 99 slam..proceed to SLAM HIS ASS WIT GROTESKNESS! GROSS HIS ASS OUT BEYOND BOUNDARIES AND TIME BY chewin yo' food wit yo' mouf FULLY OPEN...chew da food up, spit it up on yo plate, and then start pickin at it with a fork if you gots to, belch, swish da food wit yo Dr. Pepper, do whatever you gots to do to make him lose his appetites--so you can eat HIS food dat he ain't hongry enough to eat no mo'--O-KAY? It'll teach him that EATIN should always be a privilege NOT a dolla 99.

• AIN'T IN THE MOOD FO' SEX??

Blame it on the clunks--now I already done told you what clunks is (refer back to 'who dat ho?' if you needs to. Back when I was wit my boyfriend, Darryl, he had vorasious sexshul appetizer. One night he was rubbin up on me from behind and I said "not in it tonight, Darryl." He said, "Ho! You betta gimme mine." I flipped back the covers and went downstairs to dey kitchen, I put some ketchup and lil peice of catfood on my finger, put it in my draws. I came back up stairs and got into bed. Darryl start rubbin on me 'gin. I said, "DARRYL! Let me show you somesin..." I pulled out dat ketchup-kitty and oh the horror that beseeched he face! "dis what I got comin out me right now...now shake it off, sucka!" He never bothered me again..we also broke up 2 days latra--but that's besides da point.

• NEED A NEW OUTFIT? (oldie but goodie)

go to tha sto' charge it, wear it, bring it back reakin of smoke and sweat..when the salesperson axes you if you wores it alreadies--no need to get offended--just smile sympathetically and say "its okay, gurl, my mama couldn't read goods neithra...see dese lettras right here? they spell out--all goods returnable within 30 days of purchase."

Mo on priviledges latrahs....maybe.