April 27th marks one of the funnest and funniest nights I've ever had. It was the unclub--hosted by Becky Donohue, Sergio Chicon, & Michelle Buteau. Dese fools sho do know how to throw down. If this happens again, y'all--YOU GOTS TO GO.
Now I've known Mz. WhoSaidItISaidItWhutWhutButeau for about a year now and I'm now in LURVE with Becky Donohue..who else can you straight up talk about keepin yo pussy fresh in tupperwear right off the bat wit? huh? Becky Donohue dat's who! I didn't get a chance to bond too much with Mr. Chicon, but he brought da flava and da fire on this night! I met a LOT of fun peeps tonight, and if I don't mention you here, its just cuz I don't remember yo' name...but I loveshoo! The night ended with singing karaoke with my old bud John Francis O'Donnell, the Hazzards' Anne Harris, new friend Aubrey Tenant, the gorgeous, Crystal Gayle singin Brandy Barber, Nick Kroll (who busted out some Paula Abdul shit that was HILAIR) and some pretty redhead that I forget her name, but we was runnin in the nights, dancin on the ceiling, gettin some good lovin gone bad, dry humping to some Dionne Warwick that's what friends is for, 2 Steps forward...I SMOKE CRACKALACKA SHACKALAKA GOOD TIME...SHIT! If you was there...forgive me for frenching the child molester lookin dude all night long....I don't know how he persuaded me to do that...but it were FUNS! Here's me doin my thang:
Dis is it, y'all sad but TRUE...HO&MO are hittin the road. I'm gonna go cry now... so just cum, kay?...dat's what I like to say to all my Johns. Now don't go thinkin crazy-- that we got fired or some bull shit, we decided to leave on a good note. Mo's moving onto writing and directing his sure to be off-Broadway hit "the choice," and I'm gonna be hoin and growin elsewheres! Did you order my cd yet?
Take one look at the picture above, and just imagine Ashy Larry and Wendy Hoz kidz! Can you say ashy hoz? I was on the Greg Charles Show at Caroline's on Broadway last night, and brought this man to his knees! I was in the middle of singing "Fuck Me," to a man in the audience, his wife was sitting in the front row with a blue tooth on her ear, and I said "dat's right blue toof, laugh it up! shove dat blue toof up yo pussy!" I looked to the back and Donnell was full on slapping the floor. He was nice enough to purchase 3 cds after the show. I autographed one of them "Ashy Larry--Let's FUCK! XO-HO" I got word that Donnell be listenin to the cd all da time. Love me some ash!!!
a timeline of ho august 7, 1977 i am bornt under a street lamp in the royal village trailer court--toledo, ohio--da poorman's detroit, daddy was a fry cook, mama was 19 years old
1978 daddy leaves us..i'm one year old..so i don't really know the difference
1982 ...now i know da difference cuz everytime my mama slap me in da face she scream "yo daddy was a fry cook who LEFT us"...i am 5 years old for half of dis year1984...2nd grade and da black boys all try to kiss me...i don't know whyz, but I like it and I start charging them a quarter each time they want to kiss me...i get caught...sent to the principalia's office with 20 dollas of quarters in my pocket... fo da first of many times i am shamed into submission..i stop selling kisses1985...3rd grade and i am president of da brownies...dese girls love me...we tuck our jumpers into our skirts and walk around singing Peaches' Girlfriend...you know you shouldn't let him treatcha so bad...and da jets... i gots a crush on you.1986..mama gets married to a new man named harold junkins..he is nice, but sometimes he mean to me..when i don't pick up my toys and let the dog sit on my shoes... he moves us across town to a big new house...and a stoopit new school. i hate dis new school all da kids are mean to me, they make fun of my clothes...and call me a fatty..i say "i ain't fat, i'm healthy!" but dat just makes them laugh at me more...i am so unhappy until I meet Tameko Cook1986-1989 da Tameko Cook years...we are best friends and love each other...dis gurl has no idea what an impact she make on my life...she call me on da phone and ax me..gurrrl...you wanna come to my mama's jerry party? i say "who jerry?" she say "you know, earrings, necklaces, bracelets" i LOVE JERRY...except when its peelin and turn yo skins green..dat is true to dis day.1990 we gots to move again...to Erie, Pennsylvania, and I am now 13 years ode..i got my period dis year on Chrima day...my mama say "Merry Chrima" i use always maxipads with the wangs and it feel like i am wearing a diaper on my ass...i see those lil tampons..they look like little white mouses...i wonder what they are for...how do you use them? we get the sex talk at school, and i ax da teacher "how do you use a tampon?" and everybody laugh...she sends me to the pricipalia office1991 high school..and i do mean HIGH..cuz i wuz for most of it...to be continued
Thanks to all of da peeps that showed up last night for my album release/video premiere party! It was a BLAST and a great success! If you weren't able to make it, my cd is now available on dey website for $12— includes shipping! So order one, and I'll get one of my pimps to send it yo way!
