Dis be my roommate/soulsister/wife Becky! We is gettin ready to move and she is handlin all the bullshit so she deserve some LOVE. I've known this bitch for a LONG time...since I was 19! That's almost 11 yirs, for those of y'all that don't know I'm bout to be dirty thirty in August (7th). She'd laugh at me for pluggin my own birfday in a blog dat's sposed to be about HER. Well it is about her, so let me just tell ya. Dis bitch is my wife and she's feckin HOT. I don't eat her out and she don't eat me out, cuz we ain't lezzies, but we definitely IS life partners! How many tears have I cried in the arms of this dear friend o'mine? At least a million. "You just go ahead and cry, gurl," she murmurs sweetly as she rub-rub pats my back like a great mom should. I sob and moan as her Cancerian waters wash over me like a healing elixir. Then there's them times when we just can't help but laugh..at ourselves, at the world, in the face of depsperation...yeah I said DEPSPERASHUNS...We conquered a college campus, We traveled Europe together and took it by storm. Ran out on a rail from Cinque Terre, Italy, smellin spicy dip on the breath of a pimply train conductor, shamelessly fuckin in da bed next to her (um..yeah..that was me), flipping out on mushrooms in Amsterdam (that was her). Oh! I'd do it all again!!! Now we live together in the best city in the whole wide world! No we ain't nobody's wives but OH WE LOVE OUR LIVES! AND ALL DAT JIZZ! Did I mention that we're musical theater faggots??
I was on HOT 97 this mornin, y'allz and it was HOT. The Miss Jones in the Morning Show had me, Mz. Wendy Ho on the show. Miss Jones saw me at her show at Caroline's a few weeks ago, and loved "Bitch I Stole Yo' Purse," so she axed me to come on and the play the "1st cuzzin of Nappy Headed Ho," and I said, "HELLZ YES, GURL!" So it was a BLAST!!!! However, there was DRAMA, Y'ALL. So they played the first verse of "Purse," on the air, and the word CUNT went out over the airwaves 3 times...oops...her editor made a mistake, so she cut the song, went to commercial, and called that stoopit bitch into the studio. He was all "I thought the song said '(eye on yo purse) it remind me of a GUN,'" to which Jonesy replied, "a GUN? EMPTY IT OUT LIKE THAT TIME OF THE MONTH??? PAY ATTENTION TO THE CONTEXT!" OH SHIT! I loved seein that boy squirm. Mz. Jones was so nice to dis ho, and tole me I could come back whenever I wanted! Can I get a whut! whut! hollllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! CUNT CUNT CUNT! Dat just adds to my legend, y'all! Thanks, Jonesy! Now where can I get dis outfit??
This is my producer/writing partner/sound engineer/ one of my best frenz in da world. We had a baby togethra named Ho...she has a new album out! You done bought it yet? You stoopit if you haven't... anyways..we met way back in the winter of 2005. I wrote a song called "we are one," a gospely, inspirashuns song...fo real..it wasn't dirty or nothin. I was with a boyfriend at the time who didn't want me to sing like Wendy Ho...so I shut up for him...I'LL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN...I digress...I tole Craig about an ep that I put out in the summer of 2003 called, "Wendy Ho: Bitch Off A Leash," and he tole me straight up that I was stoopit for shuttin myself up on account of some man. I so glad he was right. He gave dis a Ho a voice, and then he gave me a pen and said, "write, bitch!" We've been at it ever since and I hope we never stop. I loves you Craig! If you ever wanna great experience in the recording studio go to his website: www.littlepioneer.com He's amazing.
Thanks to everyone who showed up, hoed up, and throwed up--especially Judy Gold for throwin up all over the audience--um dat bitch is CRAZY. Gotta give the bitch props, though, she offended an audience member enough to get them to LEAVE. Way to go, Judes! Jim David canceled on us, because he was passed out over at The Anal Hut Bar & Grill. Producing is crazy, y'all. I am hungs ovra. xo-ho
Romies, Romies, Romies. How apropos that you are the loved one today! Its a day before The Wendy Ho Show at Caroline's on Broadway and I couldn't be mo' thankful for you. You is cray cray. You is my manager, my therapist, my gay husband, and me loves you. We done wrote some stoopit ass shit together, and I couldn't do any of this withoutcha! So let me share with the blog world...or whoever knows about my secret blog...that you are one stoopit faggot! Roman and I met in November of 2006 at Caroline's on Broadway. I was in the Scott Nevins Show at the time. I was very skerred cuz it was the first time that I would sing "Fuck Me," in front of an audience...well the song KILLED..and Roman came up to me and said, "That is some FUNNY BULLSHIT, GURL!" Fast Forward to the weekend, I'm at club XL for Scott Nevins' Bday Party. Kimberley Locke from American Idol was there--ooooo--celebritay! She was on the Scott Nevins Show at Caroline's as well...her and her team of gays were all singing my Fuck Me song, people were buzzing about it, but since I wasn't in my wig and shit no one recognized me...but somebody did! Enter ROMIES--he exclaimed "oh my GOD! YOU'RE HER!!!!" So we flipped out for eachother, and then I met Justin Utley...um EW...kidding..more on that homo later. So Roman is a writer, a stand up comedian, a manager, a spiritual warrior..and he crazy. Go to one of his websites by clicking on these pics:
